did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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