one two three fourrrrnication!
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
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One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
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We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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