My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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