the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
