I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I checked into jail on foursquare
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
