My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
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I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
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