Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
