i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
