Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
