It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
