He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
