I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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