When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
