She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
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Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
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Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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