I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
