It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
