so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
This toilet bowl is my home.
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