It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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