Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
