He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
