Yo dont text me then not text me
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
