I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
