Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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