Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
