Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
