Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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