dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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