I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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