why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
