Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
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All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
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My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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