Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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