So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You have to summon your inner elephant
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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