omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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