Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
