it wasn't lemon gatorade
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
