I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She even gives head with a lisp.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
