I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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