I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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