He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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