she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
