I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
