You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
