Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
