wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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