And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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