Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
