Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
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