Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
