The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Randomize
