Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
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Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
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I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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