I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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