He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
