What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
