My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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