I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize
