we're blogging at a bar
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He? As in you personified your dick?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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