Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
