i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
