Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
