I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Randomize
