Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
