Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
