Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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