Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Congratulations! We have a period
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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