I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
