He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize