1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
My balls are so social today.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
