omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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