hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize