He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
