my mouth tastes like poor choices
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
