Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
