Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
