Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
