nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I need to align my fucking chakras
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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