hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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