I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
