Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
