It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Everyone says I win the strip club
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
