Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
