I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
